yes rational me sucks at grammer look at this as a free write lol! with no editing just typing lol

And when im sad, I should take a step back

Dear Sophia

Its  you writing, I just wanted to check in and see how things are going! I can only imagine how you have been since the last time I checked in.  You have been doing very well,  things were looking up for you. You lost the weight,  you met a boy and you fell in love.  It’s your final year of university and you are back on track with what you want to do.  This is all positive shmositive.  Then why are you so sad chickadee. I think I know why, first of all since life has kind of sucked for you,  you know you tend to create anxiety where there should be none.  Just because your past sucked,  doesn’t mean your future has to silly poop head. Also,  you tend you self-deprecate yourself when things seem to easy or too good,  you create this battle in your head and no one can ever really win.  STOP STOP STOP!! It’s enough!! What did we promise ourselves Sophia, what did we say we would never do again??? GO ON YASMIN! There are other pills out there loser!!! It made you crazy last time and it won’t changed just because you are on concerta now.  This deep depression is not because you are broken again, it’s just because you are takings something that messes with your hormones’.  You know this on some level because I know it!! Silly irrational me,  sometimes I wonder about you and how you get to where you go inside our mind.  How do you even come u with some of the things you think, and how come you can’t let them go.  I guess that question should be placed on moi! Well love stop looking at life in such a drastic way, things will work out! Whether it be today tomorrow in a few years you will have it all and more.  AND WTF DUDE??? You worked your freaking ass off only to make the same mistakes again!! NUH the hell not! Chocolate is not as good as skinny feels! Put down the freaking junk food and get your freaking ass to the gym!!! NO MORE BAD MOUTHING ME PLEASE! I am a good person, with a bright future I don’t need your shitty down talk and freaking irrational eating to bring all of my accomplishments down. NO THANK YOU!!!   Really? Really? Really? I better be singing opera in the shower tonight, and hitting the treadmill hard sometime soon! OH and please get your ass to Starbucks for a SKINNY cinema dulce latte you know the Christmas cup makes you giddy on the inside.  OH and take a trip to t dot and sit in the bay display for Christmas! You know that shit is like crack for you!! SOPHIA its Christmas and you are in love, and this year you have someone to kiss on new years.  WTH! That answers are right there why the hell are you being such a freaking child! Grow up! And look at everything you have done and pat me  on the back retard!!  You are the only thing that has held us back,  so you have to help me, help you! Together in sync we will take over the world. 

AS to that insecure voice you have of no one loving you! Well if anything I do, I love you even when You feel like im gone, im there in spirit with self-esteem and confidence waiting for you to wake up and realize all the things you have! You are blessed and people love you so stop! So take it and say it like barney, Ima stop being sad and just be awesome instead, SOPHIA ME I MYSELF< LETS BE AWESOME

Sincerely your

 Rational Side

P.S. IM freaking offended that you turn me off so often honestly! Im soo much smarter than you for real times lol xoxoxoxoxox

RANT ABOUT FREAKING STEPHANIE MEYER! (but I still love it :D )

Okay! so  I was watching the mtv awards last night and I was PERPLEXED AND HONESTLY BAFFLED at their pick for best movie! TWILIGHT???? REALLY??

I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I don't enjoy that movie,  hands down, I'm a sucker for Taylor Lautner and the love story between Bella and Edward!! I admit it whole-heartedly and take whatever judgement may come my way! HOWEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with that said! REALLY????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
its an OKAY MOVIE! and thats actually giving it more credit than it deserves, and  for it to win as a contender too  movies like Inception, Black Swan, and FREAKING THE SOCIAL NETWORK! Im honestly beside myself with anger.

The book itself is awful! Honestly I read it because I'm an idiot! :D

Im sure people have noticed that Twilight at its skeleton is Romeo and Juliet! Only the star-crossed lovers in Meyers story  die ON EARTH!  This is why this story is so popular.  Now lets extend my theory a little further: so it cures the depression (and I know this word choice is dramatic) that Shakespeares' readers feel as they read/watch Romeo and Juliet DIE!  Meyers protagonists commit suicide and instead of going into freaking heaven, a place which is unknown to us: (mortals) un familar, scary and elusive! They remain in a world which our conscious mind can grasp! CHA CHING! Also, the obsessive name dropping of designer clothing and cars, the vampires have and the added bonus of eternal youth and beauty is exactly why this story has such mass appeal! Bella is ordinary and the fact that she is ordinary and is able to achieve this lifestyle, gain this (perfect boyfriend) echoes the idea of the American Dream! Anyone can be extraordinarily wonderful, anyone can be rich! just buy this, do this, wear this and look like this :) <3 Look at all the wrinkle cream adds and then wonder why vampires are the new rage????? We want to be beautiful and young forever! its an obsession :D IN a world where eternal life after earth is no longer a truth! but recognized as a theory! vampires comfort the fear of the unknown! its just an interesting fact to consider! Also divorce rates are up the wazooo and the fact that Edward can commit for an eternity :d well I do not need to explain that one now do I! :)

Meyer! your story is problematic and your adaptation sub-par :D , although it makes me melt at times because I like the fantasy! You are no Christopher Nolan and for sure no Shakespeare! I have all the books and watch all the movies but WTF! really? id be embarrassed to win if it was my movie! :D sorry :D

WHAT??? BUT THAT'S SO UNFAIR! :O

I hate these nights,  it is now 1:18 am ( So I guess its technically morning) and I’m wide awake! I had the most eventful day and I should be hitting my pillow in a coma like state but my brain is rattled with thoughts.  When I get like this, I end up staying up all night just re-organizing shelves; I take everything out and put everything back in with a new  method of organization (which is quite similar and just as boring as the original method).  Like crazy right? I’m aware that this might not make sense to some, and might seem like a colossal waste of time but for me it’s a form of therapy!

Earth, life, human beings, live in an entropic state, this simply means IN A MESS.  Some things we can control, other things not so much, and most of the time we get knocked out a few times because we think we can control those things we cannot control.  That’s the problem with a developed frontal lobe, an ego is developed that bewilders some into thinking they are above this inevitable entropy. Some can go with the flow, understand it, embrace it and move on. Some develop coping strategies, while others simply lose foot.  Either way, it’s tough because there are moments in life when it’s all so over-whelming.  To this I offer remedy:  find people, find friends, fall in love with someone who will support you through it all, Hold your hand or make you laugh.  It’s the most important lesson to learn... you can choose the people you hang out with.  This is something controllable, and who you surround yourself with has a direct effect on your happiness.  I have been blessed with the bestest friends in the world J It took me a while to find them, and I’m grateful.  FRIENDS and loved ones make entropy easy and even, at times, fun!!! J Thus this night of insomnia although triggered by an awful day, is being lived through with a new perspective and in full knowing that I am not alone, and have support all around.  Besides my kitty cat Jasper is the best company lol:P he keeps nudging me to organize the heaps of books scattered on my floor: I sit in the middle thinking that my obsessive alphabetising needs to be shaken up... also the segregation between literature and popular fiction: I dare myself to get messy and amalgamate the two in a new order! J  :O

First step towards my goal of squatting in a bush to relieve myself!

Cest La Vie people

Make wishes, spin around and be messy (I am a phony because I am a neat freak :O) lol

Xoxo

Twistedbelle 

I Dance to the Music in my Head

Sing a Sad Song Just to Turn it Around....

.Have you ever had one of those weeks when you feel like you have worked so freaking hard and accomplished nothing! Well its been one of those for me and I have to tell you I think it’s a direct result of my extremely self deprecating internal dialogue.  I'm all smiles and laughs but you would never guess how extremely self critical I am on the inside! Do not get me wrong, I am a happy go lucky person and I don’t take myself too seriously most of the time! However, weeks like this I realize my Hamartia (one fatal flaw) I have absolutely no patience. I started taking this ADD drug, and like everything in life I expect fast results and yesterday!  I know that it will take time to get it together and for the most part I’m seeing small but significant differences but it’s never enough!
Also, I’ve been literally busting my ass with this workout Insanity and again I am being a shit head about it! I don’t see the kind of results I want to see (YESTERDAY) and because of this (could be my distorted self perception) I start punching myself in my invisible gonads... I swear if I had a penis my inner voice castrated it lol. This symbolic violence begins whenever I do not see the results I want to, when I wanted so I get grumpy (I know what a BRAT! Right? lol). I have to give myself credit I NEVER GIVE UP! I keep trekking it; despite how awful I am to myself, I just keep walking!  I think it is because I am so stubborn and I will not settle for anything less than what I want (but are you catching the problem)

In Greek literature the hero who does not realize his one fatal flaw usually dies! LMAO Therefore, it is my mission to work on my patience...and I’m going to be patient with myself until I am fully patient..ha ha ha! I will do all those fromagio things you see on TV: five things you are grateful for, five things you like about yourself, listen to “eye of the tiger in the shower” and probably even dance in my underwear at least once a week to “Express Yourself” by Madonna! I’m just freaking saying this shit works for the most part, if you are patient; unlike Sophia Mangov who sucks. Also, seriously sing opera in the shower, in gibberish! I swear this shit will make you laugh at yourself mad times (see how awesome I am with my lingo).  Be careful because if you laugh too hard you might slip and fall **cough**. I’m sure my neighbours appreciate my vibrato. SERIOUSLY PEOPLE I gave a list on purpose, do at least one of these things and honestly you’ll be awesome! Like Barney from how I met your mother would preach, “instead of being sad just be AWESOME instead” :P kick it in the ass people kick the bad voices in the ass!!!

The moral of this story is, sometimes all you can do is half of what you can usually do...sometimes you need a little help to get where you are going... DONT BE STUBBORN AND DONT FEEL BAD ABOUT ASKING FOR HELP!! Trust me on this one, stubbornness gets you nowhere. Sometimes you need little outside push to get to the higher road or even a little hand holding to get you through the crazy stuff.  Even if you did it with a little help it does not mean you deserve your accomplishment any less.   It just means you were smart enough to find a way to get there.  <3 So I leave you with a great song
....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gH476CxJxfg

Make Wishes, Spin Around and Be Messy xoxo
Twistedbelle <3

SO EWWWWW

LOL I read over my last blog and was disgusted at the amount of mistakes I made.  Ill try and be more careful.   I was watching greys anatomy and talking to a friend while writing the blog, so my mind was scattered :) to say the least! As I said,  Im not promising full coherancy at all times! but ill get better <3 Next time i will slow down  and just let try and focus on the blog for my next post :)

Make wishes, spin around and be messy <3 xoxo
Twistedbelle :)