SO EWWWWW

LOL I read over my last blog and was disgusted at the amount of mistakes I made.  Ill try and be more careful.   I was watching greys anatomy and talking to a friend while writing the blog, so my mind was scattered :) to say the least! As I said,  Im not promising full coherancy at all times! but ill get better <3 Next time i will slow down  and just let try and focus on the blog for my next post :)

Make wishes, spin around and be messy <3 xoxo
Twistedbelle :) 

One more day with you...

It’s funny how grief works ! My grandfather died a while back! I was fifteen years old <3 The grief hits me in waves,  every once in a while when I’m thinking about my future or planning my wedding,  or watching home videos I get this strong feeling in my stomach and I’m back on that graveyard once again watching the coffin go down ( MORBID I KNOW LMAO but  it’s an unfortunate truth)!  They aren’t as poignant as they once were, but their stale presence in my mind has a haunting effect on my heart.  The tears begin to fall, and the pain manifests itself in a different way! That clichéd line “time heals all wounds”, well memory makes that difficult to accomplish! Your mind can take you right back into painful moments and those feelings you thought you dealt with can come rushing back.  Of course you have had to time to digest, and contemplatethe situation,  thus you are able to better manage the wave of greif.  I miss him, and this feeling will never go away, I’ll miss him when I know his presence would have mattered.  Like I’m graduating my first degree (ill get some more I’m not done <3 like ill collect them) very soon and one day I will get married <3 I want him there... so if I could wish him back to this planet on those day, or  when I christen my kids i'd do it! That’s problematic of course because then I’d never want him to leave again lol!

 I miss his voice, I hear it clearly sometimes, and when I forget it,  the way it sounded-all raspy and low- ill turn on a home video so I can commit it to my memory once again.  This  is a bittersweet comfort because then I wish it wasn’t a tape.  

I remember when he bought me a bunny, and how he loved duck tape and beer and Windex.  He’d curse all the time and because of this I can curse like a pro in Macedonian lol!  

He loved to dance in oro (Macedonian folk dance) and he would do it with such pride no matter how much it hurt his old rickety knees.  He used to get angry at the freaking band for not getting the song right.  Only one band knew it and he never complained but god help the band that didn’t cause they’d have to deal with him stopping them mid song saying “ne taka” (not like that) in front of the entire party!

I know he’s around watching me,  yelling at me sometimes,  being proud of me (I hope)! I'm gonna miss you forever Dedo! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuE1XJ_uqOs

Make wishes,  Spin around and be messy.  xoxo

Twisted belle <3

I dip my feet into the water...

EEK First post, I always think this is the hardest one! I guess I should start with the reason why I have decided to start blogging.   Well, I have been shamelessly using my facebook profile like a blog and it’s not only ridiculous but as my friend Matty D points out "Like not cool"! I have no control over my fingers or for that matter my mouth! Fingers seem much more appropriate to say in this venue since you the READER (whoever you may be) will only be getting my typed words, which are a product of my quick and careless fingers.  I go through life quickly and I think you will notice that because of this quick pace I make the worst and most careless mistakes.  It’s not that I’m incapable of "not making them" or that I’m an idiot by any means, it is just because my mind has begun something new even before the first thought is complete.  My dad says tornado, my mom says earthquake, my brother says CRAZY and all of these descriptions leave me contemplating by sanity! The only place you will ever see me at the appropriate and socially accepted pace is in a movie theatre, or on my yoga matt, other than that I am always fast talking, moving and because of this make a spectacle of myself.  I never step lightly in any place I go and thus hardly ever leave a place without some sort of embarrassing story to tell!  Thus genteel reader, if you are looking for a serious blog you have come to the wrong place.  I will talk about books, movies, television shows, random thoughts, share funny stories maybe the occasional political issue and music, lots of music.  However,  for the most part this is a place I can be myself and share my perspective on simple things! I hope to  gain a  fan base and if not then I guess send my ego into cyberspace for the cathartic pleasure. Lets face it,   is that not what blogging really is! Someone who thinks their thoughts are cool enough to share it is a bit  pretentious ! <3 lol really “Sophia”  you are one of those??? LMAO tsk tsk! :P 

Make wishes, spin around and be messy xoxo

Twistedbelle <3